Reluctance
Tomorrow (Labor Day) it will be one full year since I left here to go on my Camino journey. A day does not go by when I am not walking somewhere on that Way in Spain. A day does not go by when I do not think of the people I met there. So, why have I not finished writing about my "adventure"? I can't seem to answer that question to my own satisfaction. I could say it's lack of time, but I manage to post on my other blog at least a couple of times a week, so that's not a good excuse.
I think, rather, that somewhere, down deep, I believe that if I don't finish writing about the journey, then the journey won't be over. When, in fact, I know that the journey is FAR from over. I know this. But it doesn't stop the reluctance.
Another possibilty I've thought of is that am now at the point of documenting my trip where my foot pain started to interfere with my walking, and where I began to take more bus rides, and where I made the difficult decision to cut my originally-planned 2-month trip back to 1 month. When I now think back, I feel like I "cheated", that perhaps I am not a "real" Pilgrim, comparing myself (unfairly, I know) to the ones I walked with who DID "finish". Yet, again, I know that my journey is not done, and that my Camino was MINE alone, in all its backward-walking glory, and that comparison to anyone else's is not only inaccurate but possibly hurtful to myself. I cannot let myself dwell on those types of negative thoughts. It's not about what I did not do, but about what I DID.
A side note: I am a medical transcriptionist by trade, and the other day I was transcribing a note on a patient who suffered from COPD, a lung disease. This patient tried to do daily walks to keep in some kind of shape, and actually told the doctor, who relayed it to the medical report, that walking uphill BACKWARDS put less strain on the lungs!! I feel vindicated!!
There is still much to tell about my Camino. The actual foot-walking part is close to being over, but so much else happened that needs to be said.
I will finish this. That first and very special journey will be documented here. And I have already begun tentative plans for a trip back, to actually walk the entire Way between St. Jean and Roncesvalles, then to continue from Burgos to Compostela, to finish what I started, this time knowing so much more than before. I don't know when, but I know it WILL happen, so that is enough.
So, if by some chance, you do check here now and again, keep doing so. There will be more to read soon I promise. Every day is a step along the Way, and with each passing one I learn so much.
Many blessings...
I think, rather, that somewhere, down deep, I believe that if I don't finish writing about the journey, then the journey won't be over. When, in fact, I know that the journey is FAR from over. I know this. But it doesn't stop the reluctance.
Another possibilty I've thought of is that am now at the point of documenting my trip where my foot pain started to interfere with my walking, and where I began to take more bus rides, and where I made the difficult decision to cut my originally-planned 2-month trip back to 1 month. When I now think back, I feel like I "cheated", that perhaps I am not a "real" Pilgrim, comparing myself (unfairly, I know) to the ones I walked with who DID "finish". Yet, again, I know that my journey is not done, and that my Camino was MINE alone, in all its backward-walking glory, and that comparison to anyone else's is not only inaccurate but possibly hurtful to myself. I cannot let myself dwell on those types of negative thoughts. It's not about what I did not do, but about what I DID.
A side note: I am a medical transcriptionist by trade, and the other day I was transcribing a note on a patient who suffered from COPD, a lung disease. This patient tried to do daily walks to keep in some kind of shape, and actually told the doctor, who relayed it to the medical report, that walking uphill BACKWARDS put less strain on the lungs!! I feel vindicated!!
There is still much to tell about my Camino. The actual foot-walking part is close to being over, but so much else happened that needs to be said.
I will finish this. That first and very special journey will be documented here. And I have already begun tentative plans for a trip back, to actually walk the entire Way between St. Jean and Roncesvalles, then to continue from Burgos to Compostela, to finish what I started, this time knowing so much more than before. I don't know when, but I know it WILL happen, so that is enough.
So, if by some chance, you do check here now and again, keep doing so. There will be more to read soon I promise. Every day is a step along the Way, and with each passing one I learn so much.
Many blessings...
Hmm...
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of some personal stories I had intended to post on Walhydra's Porch a year and more ago. They involve "journeying" of another sort.
Part of my delay has been that so much intervened later in the year... the whole depression and Mom's Alzheimer's business... and recovery from that.
Part is that the story that was unfinished cuts pretty deep. Not that Walhydra avoids those. She just doesn't tell them until she has grown through them.
Maybe writing it now would finish... or at least restart... that growing.
Thanks for sharing this story.
Blessèd Be,
Michael Bright Crow